Topic: I think I have a 9 year old problem….

Anonymous 2cdb405b70e363cd78db09cd90cb7b1c started this discussion 3 months (2008-08-28 06:41:02 UTC) ago:

Greetings all,

First, this is not going to turn into a pedo-post, and is quite serious. Please held.

So I think the neighbor girl, a nine-year-old, has a big crush on me. Today, after climbing into my lap for the first time, she sneaked a quick kiss on my cheek.

She's a lovely girl, and has an abusive father in her life. One of her older brothers, the middle child, treats her like garbage physically and mentally, and her eldest brother is severely autistic. He has the mind of a 1 to 2 year old at best, and doesn't know his own strength.

This girl is lovely. Smart for her age, scientifically curious, a great listener, and just a treat to be around. I do NOT however, have any sexual attraction to her, nor am I "falling in love" with her. I'm very happily married.

The trouble I'm having is that my wife is getting jealous, and the neighbors are apprehensive about me spending any time with her. Honestly, I think she's a great friend, and I'm hoping to be the one stable father figure in her life, as my wife and I can't have kids.

I want to explain to her that I care for her deeply, and I will be happy to teach and help her in life, but that she can't go around climbing into my lap and kissing me, and that there is a HUGE difference between the friendly love (and a bit of pity) that I feel for this little girl, and the deep love I feel for my wife.

But I don't want to scare her away, or make her feel as though I (like most men in her life) am abandoning her.

Any ideas?

Thanks.

Anonymous 819b79da426cd7ef3f222868adafa8f1 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 07:19:42 UTC) ago, 39 minutes later (#55,103):

Explain to your wife the exact situation, that's dangerous suspicion if I've ever seen it.

Next up I want you to explain to the little girl the exact situation and why she can't be kissing you.

I mean really now, it's quite easy. Unless you want to RAPE HER?

Anonymous 108f50c1b5df94dc3460a2d4450940c9 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 07:27:09 UTC) ago, 7 minutes later (#55,107):

There's nothing wrong, sexual, or illegal about her climbing into your lap and kissing you gently. If you're the only loving figure in her life, then she's no doubt been deprived of affection, which children absolutely need. In my opinion, you have a moral obligation to provide that affection.

Being 9-years-old, it's unlikely she will attempt to go further. If she does, then you can lay down boundaries: just point out that you have a wife, and she wouldn't approve. What reason is there to crush her fantasy of requited love?

> >the friendly love (and a bit of pity) that I feel for this little girl

You love her and yet you'd neglect to provide for her needs because some retards feel "apprehensive" or "jealous"? Huh?

Anonymous 108f50c1b5df94dc3460a2d4450940c9 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 07:36:36 UTC) ago, 9 minutes later (#55,110):

@55,103
> I mean really now, it's quite easy.

Is it really that easy for you heterosexual scum to hurt little girls? I guess that explains those abuse statistics.

Anonymous 2cdb405b70e363cd78db09cd90cb7b1c (OP) replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 07:43:30 UTC) ago, 7 minutes later (#55,112):

It's me.

No, I don't want to rape her, and no, it's not that easy.

Perhaps I am being a little prudish about things. I suppose I am obligated to be something of a father figure, but provided the litigious nature of the U.S. and all too ready to accuse somebody nature of the area, I feel that I'm walking on eggshells.

Just not sure how to add a little support to my situation, breach the conversation with my wife, and let the parents of this girl know that I have NO ill intentions without coming across as a paedophile hoping to win their affections.

She really does need a positive male role model in her life, I'm just, honestly, scared of the consequences of adults misconstruing my motives.

Anonymous 56d1a8d430b1b48c00a98fb3c00259f5 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 07:54:49 UTC) ago, 11 minutes later (#55,117):

I don't think you're being prudish. It's admirable how you cling to moral high ground in a situation like this, actually. What I would worry about is other people, including your wife. In this day & age, it has become impossible for a grown man to 'love' a small child without it being perceived as perverted and a facade for something altogether more sinister. However, that's the world's problem, not yours.
Unless these kind of rumours land you in jail or out of a job. It has happened before.

Anonymous 108f50c1b5df94dc3460a2d4450940c9 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 07:56:51 UTC) ago, 2 minutes later (#55,118):

@55,112

I don't think you should breach the conversation with anyone. That would just be creepy, no matter how you went about it. Chances are, other people won't care, or if they do, will be too chickenshit or uncertain to act on their paranoia. I say this as someone (albeit a teenager) who spends a clearly excessive amount of time with little girls. Nobody notices.

Or have your wife and neighbors actually shown clear disapproval? If so, I think the parents instructing her to stay away from you is the worst that could happen. There's obviously not grounds to open an investigation.

Anonymous 8c97de247c805d299f1908321fe6e769 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 07:57:39 UTC) ago, 48 seconds later (#55,119):

@55,110

Way to take that quote out of context. Or simply fail at reading comprehension. That post was saying it is really quite easy to deflect her affections. Personally I would suggest simply crushing her little heart, better she get used to it at young age right? And if her father is abusive, I would suggest contacting social services and explaining the her family situation and the way she acts around you. There is a good chance she could benefit from a professional psychological analysis.

Anonymous 108f50c1b5df94dc3460a2d4450940c9 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 08:00:48 UTC) ago, 3 minutes later (#55,120):

@55,117

I don't think many people are actually paranoid enough about adult-child relationships to interfere. It's just a few loudmouth PTA members who pretend to "speak for the people."

Anonymous 108f50c1b5df94dc3460a2d4450940c9 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 08:02:39 UTC) ago, 2 minutes later (#55,121):

@55,119

> hurt little girls
> crushing her little hurt

No, sir, I think my reading comprehension is perfectly fine.

Anonymous 56d1a8d430b1b48c00a98fb3c00259f5 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 10:37:37 UTC) ago, 3 hours later (#55,132):

@55,120

I live in Belgium, and since the famous "Dutroux" pedo case, no male in this country can do or say anything even remotely suspicious about or to children. About half of divorce cases in the courts end in child molest allegations, because it is not really needed to prove this - the allegation is enough to destroy someone's reputation completely.
Seriously, it has become so bad here that several males would ignore a child in need (injured, lost, …) simply because they are too afraid. I know I am.

Anonymous 0c2474f691401b458c14c13628edfa4c replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 11:00:54 UTC) ago, 23 minutes later (#55,136):

@55,132

> it has become so bad here that several males would ignore a child in need (injured, lost, …) simply because they are too afraid. I know I am.

It's the same way here in America, even without such ridiculous "don't have to prove it" laws. Personally I think OP has an obligation to report this case to human services and have the child removed from her abusive household.

Anonymous 160c33e871aef72365e03c20051abeee replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 13:28:15 UTC) ago, 2 hours later (#55,160):

Explain to your wife how your fatherly instincts are kicking in, then include the wife when you spend time with this girl.

Anonymous 4020c0d86fb3054b8797ca0789a55898 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 16:19:48 UTC) ago, 3 hours later (#55,191):

Surely your wife would feel empathy too, if the circumstances were explained to her properly. Maybe Social Services or something should be informed if you have some valid proof that the father involved is "abusive".

Anonymous 394dd48f2fe3d977cb3db10e52c96cca replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 18:26:19 UTC) ago, 2 hours later (#55,227):

Remember, no good deed goes unpunished. This is way out of your league. Call child protective services and let them investigate. As far as your wife goes, tell her you are hurt and offended she thinks you are a pedophile for caring.

Anonymous 469139acb11eb98592074b1ff00dccba replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 19:20:12 UTC) ago, 54 minutes later (#55,245):

Sir, I'm going to be honest with you.

I'll give it a good 5 - 7 years and your wife will look like an old nattering hag to you, especially compared to your current neighbour's little daughter, who will undoubtable have magically turned into the hottest chick alive.
The problem is, if your wife is jealous now about you just spending time with her, and simply can't see the difference between the love you carry for your wife and the simple friendship between her husband and a 9 year old girl; the hope for resolving will be practically nihil.

I don't know about you, but marriage council is not quite what I'm into. Perhaps you should spend some time with this girl and try to explain the rediculousness of this issue with your wife carefully. I hope she will then understand what's going on between you, her and the girl and that the time you spend with this girl can last.

Much of joy, Anon.

Anonymous 864c50d61d041e5238b2d4e1d8139885 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 21:36:14 UTC) ago, 2 hours later (#55,290):

It sounds like you're surrounded by idiots, including your wife. Are you completely certain that she wouldn't be able to understand the situation, and would instead assume that you have sexual feelings for the child?

Anonymous 1fe803d928a5162c602219b566ad0c4c replied with this 3 months (2008-08-28 23:02:13 UTC) ago, 1 hour later (#55,337):

i cant believe your wife is jealous of a 9 year old girl. but as others said, tell your wife you dont want to see a child with such a crappy family when you are right there and cant have kids. and then you could have your wife talk to the girls mother if you wanna take her somewhere so you dont come across as the creepy neighbour guy, but the friendly neighbour couple.

Anonymous fd624834622ad92e8b76eca52a679c5e replied with this 3 months (2008-08-29 01:20:06 UTC) ago, 2 hours later (#55,371):

Does your wife not get along with the little girl? What's to stop the three of you from all being together? Shouldn't she also understand the situation the little girl is in?

The situation with the girl's parents sounds a bit out of your control, though. They technically have power over what she does. If you can get some hard evidence on her father's abusiveness, you could try alerting the proper authorities.

Anonymous 2cdb405b70e363cd78db09cd90cb7b1c (OP) replied with this 3 months (2008-08-29 06:43:23 UTC) ago, 5 hours later (#55,446):

Me again.

Wife didn't know the severity of the situation, so we had a long talk.

CPS (Child Protective Services) has been made aware of the situation. From what I understand, the abuse did not stop with the little girl.

I'm happy to say that, as of tonight, all of the children are with the grandparents, the father is being watched by the state, and the mother is seeking help on her own.

Thank you all for your suggestions and support.

Anonymous 06659aaa0bdd6b5f164788e3ce280401 replied with this 3 months (2008-08-29 13:38:44 UTC) ago, 7 hours later (#55,487):

@55,446

Very good solution. It's a shame that in another society the simple approach would have been the best, but I think you made a very good choice. Your wife is your priority.

Anonymous 1fe803d928a5162c602219b566ad0c4c replied with this 3 months (2008-08-29 13:56:40 UTC) ago, 18 minutes later (#55,491):

next step, adopt the kid so she doesnt have to live with her grandparents.

Anonymous a498737d2b2d82b3d9ac0babaf11322c replied with this 3 months (2008-08-29 20:06:55 UTC) ago, 6 hours later (#55,563):

> Explain to your wife how your fatherly instincts are kicking in, then include the wife when you spend time with this girl.

I second that, 110%. Including the wife will allay her suspicions, as well as show the idiots around that there's nothing shady going on. Unless they get REALLY paranoid & start thinking that you AND your wife are doing something you shouldn't - in which case, they need to see a shrink. You can tell 'em Anon said that.

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Topic: I think I have a 9 year old problem….