I think I'm pretty much at the edge here.

20 years, feel like I'm still 14. Pretty sure I was molested or something when I was a kid. Had a terrible 4 year relationship with a lesbian. Found a girl who's alot like me, neither of us are dumb. Could never keep a job, too busy jerking off. Am now pretty much a pedo.

I just recently told my girlfriend everything that I felt was wrong with me, and she said she still loves me and wants to help. She didn't even flinch at the CP part. We're both nice people.

Rent is due and I don't have any money. I know that if after this month I can't keep a job I won't be able to take it. Probably loan more money from mom and get even deeper in the hole.

I know I just need to quit jerking off, go to sleep before 12 and learn to stay with a job.

I just 'cant' stop masturbating. All the time. When I'm with my girl it's not so bad save for the touching her at night, which I'm almost sure has pretty much killed her sex drive.

How can I stop myself from ending up like my father; a lowlife who does nothing? Nothing I do seems to work. Am I hopeless?

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You are not hopeless. You are also not your father. My own father was, despite being brilliant in an academic way, a deadbeat drunk who hit my mother and pretty much ignored me. He tried to sober up and get his shit sorted several times but eventually relapsed and hanged himself while drunk when I was 15.
I am not like him. Surely I have several of his personality traits (like a penchant for addiction), but so far I've managed to lead a decent, if eventful, life. Been able to get a degree and a decent job.

Whatever happens to you from this point on is your very own choice. You are already lucky to have a girl so understanding of you (not many would stick by their partners after a CP revelation - I once *tried* to tell my ex about my pedoish fantasies, but she took it so badly I had to twist the story around lest I'd be in jail right now).

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I belive in myself and my capability, but I know that getting up and going to work would be a lot easier (and make me feel alot better after) if I didn't spend all my time alone masturbating. I want to know how I can make breaking this addiction easier. I tried deleting my porn - all my porn - but that didn't work. I tried going cold-turkey, but that only lasted two days. I feel better already just getting it out, as I did when I told all to my girl, but I still feel in the dark as to how to stop jerking off. I'm convinced that it's the key to keeping a job.

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Take some anti-depressants, shit kills your sex drive.

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