I'm 20 years old. From age 12 to 18 I had no friends, never went to any parties, never went on dates, never had any important life experiences, and never developed socially. I was homeschooled, and because I became so accustomed to staying in my house all day long and going through my daily routine, it eventually became almost impossible for me to consider leaving my house or breaking out of that routine. I adapted to one way of life so much that I became incapable of deviating from that reclusive lifestyle. Even though I'm conscious of this fact, it is still extremely difficult to get myself to do things that I am unaccustomed to, such as talking to strangers, approaching women, or leaving my house for any purpose beside college classes.

I've never had any kind of intimate experience with a girl, and no girl has ever shown interest in me. Every day I see advertisements or pictures or videos or hear music that portrays people falling in love, having relationships, and having sex. Some people loose their virginity around age 16, while at age 20 I haven't even had my first kiss.

I spend a lot of my time playing video games. Not the cool, popular games like Guitar Hero and Halo, but Japanese RPGs and anime-themed games.

Recently I read a discussion thread about the coorelation between playing video games and being unsuccessful with women. The posters were very honest and admitted to their inexperience openly, although there were some posters who did have experience to speak of. One user commented that he was 20 years old and was in a two-year relationship with his highschool's homecoming queen, who he fucks at least once a week. He also mentioned the two games he was currently playing - Pokemon and Persona 3, games which I am also currently playing, which both rank high on the Wapanese scale.

As I sit in my dark living room playing Weeaboo video games all alone and by myself, someone else is doing the same - but the difference between me and him is that he has a hot girlfriend and gets to fuck her. We are the same age and have the same hobbies, but he is a success and has the things I want, while I have absolutely nothing.

I'll never be able to date my highschool's homecoming queen because I didn't go to highschool. I'll never be able to date a girl period because I'm unappealing to women. I'll never be able to say I had a two-year relationship in my teenage years since I didn't date anyone at all during that time. And I very much doubt that any attractive woman will ever want to have sex with me every week.

I'll never be able to have any of the things I've missed out on, because the opportunities are gone now. Dating a hot 16 year old girl and losing my virginity to her? Impossible, since I'm too old to date girls that age now. I've lost my chances, my ships have sailed, and now I'm left being cold and alone while everyone else is a success.

It's extremely hard to live with myself. I don't know how to cope with my life.

How can I live each day knowing that everyone else had teenage years full of laughter and fun and sex, while I spent my teenage years living the same day over and over until I was 20?

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First of all, I want to say that I find homeschooling to be basically torture. I cannot even begin to imagine how fucked up I would've become if I had been homeschooled. It was extremely important and joyful for me (with some exceptions, such as bullying, oral presentations, swimming practice, and gymclass) to go to a public school up until 7th grade. If it makes you feel any better, I went through all schools without ever getting any girlfriend. Only after it was over I managed to have a short relationship one summer with a younger girl that I had found on the Internet, but she wasn't that "hot" and I actually broke up with her. (Big mistake, apparently, as this seems to have been a "once in a lifetime" opportunity. I was already FUBAR emotionally at that point.)

It constantly pisses me off that "everyone else" gets to fuck hot bitches while I sit here alone. I even fail to get women to accept me as a moneyslave over the Internet. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I live in a nightmare.

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Phew. Well I was under the impression that I had it bad, but then I am only slightly inept in social situations and tend to be able to interact finely after I get to know a person, and I am handsome in a dark (not emo bullshit, etc.), refined sort of way, so I am my own obstacle. For you however it is different. I sympathise with you. However complaining and moaning and weeping won't help in the least. Maybe you aren't ugly, but merely fat. In that case, it is very simple to lose weight. Maybe you are not fat or ugly but a recluse. In that case you are like I was, the argest impediment to yourself. Perhaps you really are as you claim ugly. f this is really the case and you are not merely deprecating yourself, you can only love who you are, for you won't change.

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"How can I live each day knowing that everyone else had teenage years full of laughter and fun and sex, while I spent my teenage years living the same day over and over until I was 20?"

Because when you find someone you'll really like, you will learn it only takes one person to make it all worthwhile.

Also, your worries are very positive. Most people, while having their daily experiences and all, really really are just doing what they have been always accostumed to. They are like you, in the same way.
So, most people also don't go outside their daily routines and try things that would be meaningful to them, that would make them feel good about themselves and give them memories to recall forever.

So, keep trying to change yourself.

And what I said first, my first line, it is very important. Don't overlook it.

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Hey OP. I wasn't homeschooled, I very much identify with your post.

When I was in 6th and 7th grade, I remember being pretty good with people. Was friends with everyone, I even remeber that I was getting automatically flirtative when around girls, made them laugh and such. Then in 8th grade I moved and changed schools. I knew no one, and when, I had no idea how to make a new social circle. So I was pretty much a loner all htough high school, got lauughed at a lot, etc. Never went to a party back then, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl.

I'm 20 now, starting university. Far from home in a tiny dorm room. I am barely starting to get to know some of the people in my hall. Hoping things will be better.

Some tips OP. Go to college and/or get a job with people your age. Also, ALWAYS say hi to people you might see often. That includes your neighbors and coworkers, even if you don't know them yet. If you get a job, say hi to everyone your walk by there. Look them in the eye when you do it. I know it's hard, but it gets easier after a long time. For example, when I got there I decided to kick myself in the ass, and started to say hi to every single person I crossed in my dorm hallway. I felt extremely awkward at first, I almost always looked away when I did it. After two weeks I'm a bit better now, girls sometimes smile at me when I walk by and say hi.

Whish you the best OP.

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The teenage years aren't all the media cuts them out to be.

Forget then. Start now.

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You disgust me OP, you seem to be only concerned with "fucking" girls and getting pussy. Maybe I've never had a intimate relationship with a girl, but I'm not wallowing in a pit of misery. You must go out and try; analyze and learn why you haven't been able to find a girl yet, and keep improving yourself until you do.

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Dwelling on what could have been: everyone does this for one reason or another. However, if you do it too much, you will miss out on the stuff that is right in front of you.

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Homeschooling is probably one of the causes. You can't all blame it on your parents though, I'm just guessing they want the best of the best for you and are very protective. As you are 20 now, your whole life is open to anything. You realize your problem, so why not do something about it?

I know it's hard, suddenly changing, but force yourself to do stuff you'd never see yourself doing. Like me; I never thought I'd be a dancer, but after practicing - I actually enjoyed it, and have gotten really good in it! Also, it's pretty handy for the girls, they love it!

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Like the OP, I didn't have a ton of luck with women until the end of my Junior year of HS. I'd had female friends for some time, even went on a few dates, but honestly never got past a couple dates and the eventual friend zone-ing that followed.

One of my biggest peeves about my childhood is that I bought into the adult's lies. Growing up they all told me "Study hard, work hard and you'll be successful!" So I didn't play with other kids, I didn't go places and I didn't really hang out with anyone, I just studied constantly. Though my academics were just great, I spent so much time by myself doing homework and extra credit that I've developed horrible horrible social phobias and problems interacting with people.

And let me tell you, out in the "real world" being a positive, friendly person counts a ton more than being academically gifted. I've had any number of interviews where someone with less experience and education but more social graces will get a job over me. The interviewer will typically say that I'm "not a good fit" or that "he didn't seem approachable."

Honestly it's one of the reasons I love working with machines as opposed to doing things with humans, machines are much more predictable.

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