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Anonymous f50127e0a85459ec0b027bfddb5f8671 started this discussion 2 months (2008-10-10 05:18:31 UTC) ago:
I have a girlfriend who I love. A lot. A real lot. We've been dating for 8 months, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
A month ago I met this girl who I hit it off with immediately. We talk a lot for a while and she tells me she's coming to where I live, for vacation. She lives extremely far away from me (1000+ miles), so this may be the first and last time I see her.
Would I be an absolutely terrible person if I tried/asked for a kiss goodbye?
I expect to get a lot of "Well how can you love your girlfriend if you're asking this…" Please, all due respect, keep those posts out of here.
Advice from male and female anons would be appreciated.
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Anonymous 4197aa52abd2f78f543ed7edd8d54068 replied with this 2 months (2008-10-10 05:28:07 UTC) ago, 10 minutes later (#68,220):
Well wait untill you meet her in person… if the connection is really there, then you should kiss her goodbye. As long as you keep your girlfriend in the dark about it, you will be okay.
I say this because you seem to understand you really have no future or oprutinity with this girl, but if she has touched your life in a small way and you get one chance to express yourself to her, then you should go for it.
Anonymous 9daae17c7e59c096c18c726f63fa29ae replied with this 2 months (2008-10-10 05:57:39 UTC) ago, 30 minutes later (#68,224):
Think about if your girlfriend met some dude and then he came to where you are and she had her tongue down his throat and shit. NO.
A kiss on the cheek is fine.
Anonymous e0a9451ac910117fcedb4b4d914b3d0f replied with this 2 months (2008-10-10 06:04:22 UTC) ago, 7 minutes later (#68,226):
I wouldn't be okay if my husband kissed another woman in my absence. I would be extremely hurt, disappointed and disgusted. And if he didn't tell me and I found out another way, well, lying is unacceptable.
Why are you willing to risk your great relationship for a moment in time with another girl? Don't you want her to be able to trust you?
And believe me, you will regret it and you will go through your relationship with something to hide. It will only hurt you both.
Anonymous 612f2bf66be17952b2835ea42c64ec6b replied with this 2 months (2008-10-10 07:39:50 UTC) ago, 2 hours later (#68,239):
@68,226I respect the cited poster's opinion. It's important to have these posts so that you know what the stakese. If your girlfriend ever finds out, she will be very pissed at you (perhaps enough to break up with you). Worse, she will be very hurt for a long time.
Thus, if there's a risk that she will find out, don't do it.
That being said, I disagree with the cited poster with respect to how guilty you will feel about it. You
will feel twinges of guilt, but as it subsides into memory, you'll be happier that you kissed the other girl in the future. Here's some amalgamated anecdotal evidence for you:
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/regrets.pngAnother anon in this thread said it best — for better or for worse, you shared something with this girl, and this would be a nice way to remember it. In fact, for memory's sake, before she leaves, perhaps you ought to consider fucking the shit out of her, if possible. (Haha, just kidding.)
Seriously, though, if you love your girlfriend, then either don't do it, or don't let her find out. But the best solution is doing it and not having it found out. In my opinion, you relationship will suffer just as much (if not more) damage if you build it up and turn this girl into some sort of fantasy that you "could" have had if you hadn't been so damned faithful. Kissing her will just relegate her to a nice memory.
Anonymous 343360cdd4f5feb5b47f8bdb287a75b8 replied with this 2 months (2008-10-10 10:40:13 UTC) ago, 3 hours later (#68,249):
There's no right or wrong answer here. You have to make a choice and then deal with the consequences. If you feel that kissing her is worth it, then do it, but make sure it's not one-sided, otherwise you're just being a hormonal teenager, no matter how old you really are.
Just weigh the results. If someone is special to you do you really have to kiss them? Is it worth your girlfriend finding out?
Anywho, no matter how much advice we give you it'll ultimately be you whom makes the decision. Common sense is your best friend.
Anonymous 5caeb6e7bd6685d74664126e17fb887e replied with this 2 months (2008-10-10 15:03:34 UTC) ago, 4 hours later (#68,263):
Respect your girlfriend, if you do anything kiss her on the cheek.
It'll make this girl respect you more also, especially if she knows you're trying to be a gentleman and faithful to your current girl.
Anonymous 5bdb4de1810b85a3f41ad87d25bafeab replied with this 2 months (2008-10-10 16:45:46 UTC) ago, 2 hours later (#68,276):
If you want to kiss her, do it and accept the consequences. If your girlfriend found out, she might be upset. However, it's not as if you've stripped her down, covered her in chocolate sauce, and eaten it all off. Especially if you're not likely to see this girl again, any hurt feelings will probably pass quickly.
I say go for it, if that's what you want.
Anonymous a34fb47a9695e7fbfc749db1a5a33d27 replied with this 2 months (2008-10-11 00:02:59 UTC) ago, 7 hours later (#68,392):
Why are you willing to risk a whole relationship for a girl who (you said yourself) you are unlikely to even see again?
Anonymous 612f2bf66be17952b2835ea42c64ec6b replied with this 2 months (2008-10-11 00:14:07 UTC) ago, 11 minutes later (#68,395):
@68,392I'll field that question.
POINT (1) — First of all, the value of practically any action is not inherent in the action itself, but in its
memory. If I had an awesome foursome with three teenaged lesbians last night, but was too drunk to remember it, then it might as well not have happened, for all the good it does me. I'd much rather have only
two teenaged lesbians, but still be able to smile about it sixty years later on my deathbed. Presumably, OP will get some permanent utility through being able to have the
memory of having kissed this girl with whom he had some sort of connection. Therefore, there is some degree of permanent positive utility to be gained from kissing the girl. This must be balanced against the fact that. . .
POINT (2) — . . .the risk of his girlfriend finding out is presumably very low. Granted, it would be devastating if she
did find out, but if the probability is very slight, it's not worth over-analyzing. There's a risk when you go to the store to pick up milk that you will be killed in an unpredictable car accident, but that is not a good argument for abstaining from getting milk whenever you want it.
Anonymous f50127e0a85459ec0b027bfddb5f8671 (OP) replied with this 2 months (2008-10-11 01:24:29 UTC) ago, 1 hour later (#68,410):
Thanks anons. I don't think I'll do it.
Anonymous 3f7fb1f83ad4c6929a0ab904a7088d7d replied with this 2 months (2008-10-11 04:51:44 UTC) ago, 3 hours later (#68,472):
OP
If you really loved your gf, you wouldn't even have considered the scenario. Sorry, it's the truth.
Anonymous 612f2bf66be17952b2835ea42c64ec6b replied with this 2 months (2008-10-11 05:46:23 UTC) ago, 55 minutes later (#68,473):
@68,472I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. You likely have some nonsensical romantic definition of 'love'. Loving someone, in the philosophical sense, means that that person's happiness is essential to your own — and nothing more. The rest is just hormones or stuff that you picked up out of movies or Hallmark cards or something.
OP is a human being, and male — it's perfectly normal for him to at least
consider things like this. If there's any substantial risk that his girlfriend would discover his infidelity, then he should not try to kiss this other girl. However, since OP fully expects and intends (and has no reason to suspect otherwise) that this girl is leaving forever, I don't see anything that is
per se wrong about kissing her. Even though he loves his girlfriend, he has but one life to live, and if he can snag this experience without running any real risk of hurting her, then I think that he should do it (if he wants to).
Anonymous 7d23ad753a89ea14db0d44ce4aa38a72 replied with this 2 months (2008-10-11 11:06:37 UTC) ago, 5 hours later (#68,499):
> this may be the first and last time I see her
And what if she will misunderstand the kiss? (if you kiss her on the lips she certainly will) What if she came to you again and flirted with you and somehow things got out of hand and your girlfriend would find out?
I wonder why do you seek "memories" with others/other girls in particular. You said yourself that you are happy in your current relationship. Can't you just keep making "memories" with your current girfriend? Isn't she supposed to be someone you picture yourself with in the future?
Someone here said that loving somebody is making them happy. I don't think kissing another girl would make my significant other happy if/when she found out. Quite the opposite.
On the other hand, I may be a bit too old-fashioned to understand the concept of kissing (not pecking on the cheek) a girl I'm not interested in romantically.
Anonymous f50127e0a85459ec0b027bfddb5f8671 (OP) replied with this 2 months (2008-10-12 19:02:47 UTC) ago, 1 day later (#68,955):
I didn't go through with it. I had a chance to, but I didn't. Thanks anon.
Anonymous 07a96a3083d5fdfcceb61f7c05b19adf replied with this 2 months (2008-10-12 20:11:49 UTC) ago, 1 hour later (#68,995):
I was sitting in a Subway when I decided that I would not kiss my long-time love if I met her at the 2008 GOP National Presidential Convention. I told my girlfriend about it but to my surprise she said she wouldn't care. Again, to my surprise, she soon later disappeared for three days, broke our vow of sobriety, and had sex three times with a person she did not even know.
In the end, it depends on how your relationship is. Perceived or in realty I guess.
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