I'm not an unattractive guy, entirely. I have some wit, charm and situational confidence. No girl would be attracted to me for my looks, but it's not like they'd have to tolerate me despite my looks. Anyway, that thing I said, "situational confidence".

Most of the girls I meet are "through" someone else - friends, workmates, et cetera. They seem to like me, sometimes I even get a number, but then I go home and masturbate furiously then cry myself to sleep knowing I'm not going to call them, or even add them on myspace or MSN and message them, and the next time I see them it'll be through that acquaintence again and the same thing will happen.

How the hell do you do it? I've (obviously) never had a girlfriend, nor even one of those really close female friends that other pussy guys like me usually end up with. God dammit, I know - I consciously know - that I could message them and ask them if they want to come out some time and it'd probably go well… but… how? I can't do that shit. I can't go out of my way to message a girl - what will my friend who introduced me think? He'll think I'm interested in her and won't let it go. He'll know I've been single for a long time and he'll try to be supportive and I'll fill up with shame. He'll think, "isn't that a shame, he can't meet girls on his own so he's trying to come on to my friends". And maybe he'll not be as good a friend after that.

Meanwhile, what do I invite the girl to do? All my male friendships have evolved just by seeing them in these 'mutual' situations enough that the friendship has been able to grow wings and take off of its own accord. I don't have a fucking clue how to force friendships to grow, but I don't see these girls enough for them to just evolve like that.

If there are any alpha males reading this, I know it's gotta be tough to understand what I'm going through, but what I think I really need is to talk to an alpha anonymously about it. Other beta males have too much in common with me, they're great for empathy but I don't need that, I need a fucking ass kicking and someone to tell me to just fucking do it. I can't get that drive for myself. I can't. I don't want to talk to my friends about it because it's fucking embarassing. They all have gone through a few girlfriends since I've known them. They have to wonder why I don't ever have one, so now me having a girlfriend won't go without notice.

It tears me up inside. I'm not doing this for sex, and I don't really even want a girlfriend that badly, I just want to know how to build female friendships and then I'll move on to girlfriends when I get to know some girls better. I just can't do it. I can't do it. Help me. The scary thing is, every year I age it becomes more embarassing, and as much as I don't want to even consider the s word, it.. I can't stop thinking about it and I'm increasingly inclined to do something drastic to take the pain away. Thanks for reading.

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Well, you've identified the problem. You need to just do it.

I don't know if you want a relationship or just to have girls to fuck — you were unclear. At any rate, you really ought to start with the latter, or else you will never feel satisfied in a relationship. Thus:

You will have to be an asshole, but it's the only way to build up your confidence. Decide that you are going to seduce a girl just to fuck her — you aren't going to be unnecessarily mean about it, or anything, but that's what you're going to do. The way to do this successfully is through the shotgun approach — chat up every reasonably hot girl that you meet. There are techniques for making girls like you (sexually), but in a nutshell (1) be friendly and always have the girl talking about herself (this creates the illusion of a deep connection) and (2) be sporadically available — always act as though you have tons of great shit to be doing.

Why are you afraid of texting the girl? Successful players will not make fun of you for being rejected — they themselves are rejected most of the time. They are successful because they aren't scared of trying — and they aren't nervous because they know that the stakes are low.

This basic strategy will definitely get you chicks, but you'd better be on guard not to fuck it up by becoming too involved with one of them. Build your experience and confidence first. Only then try for a serious relationship, because at that point, you will never give off an aura of being dependent. This makes girls in a relationship feel insecure, but they like it, because a girl always prefers to think that she's gotten a guy above her standard, rather than that she's settling for a guy of lower status.

A major drawback of this strategy is that it will eventually make you extremely cynical about relationships, perhaps to the point that you will never trust anyone, as you will come to believe that successful relationships are always based on the psychological manipulation employed by the parties on each other.

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@68,322

My issue with this is that I'm nothing like that and all my friends know it. They'll know I'm trying to use "techniques" to get girls and that will be even more crushingly embarassing.

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@68,323

Sure. Well, there's one thing about being embarrassed — it's really easy, and anyone can do it. Get used to getting embarrassed! A person who is embarrassed a lot is also a person who has far more than their fair share of glorious triumphs.

You'll take some ribbing from your friends, but probably not too much. The real question is how they will act toward the girls. Obviously, don't try to fuck any very close female friends that they have. But girls that they happen to know from work or whatever are absolutely fair game. Your friends should always do their part to make you look cool to these girls — they might ridicule you, but only in a complimentary way. Most guys instinctively know this — even if your friend wants the chick for himself, he knows that he increases his own status by making it seem like all of his friends are also high-status.

If your friends would deliberately make you out to be a loser to girls that you're trying to hook up with, just for the lulz, then your friends are either hopeless dorks or complete assholes — you can still be friends with them, but make new friends for the purposes of helping you get girls (it's easy to do, since it's a common interest shared by many guys). If you're just afraid of them making fun of you in your private gatherings, well, you need to just man up and not be a pussy. After you start getting some successes the character of your friends' teasing will evolve to include a distinct element of envy or admiration.

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@68,325

Thanks, that helps somewhat. My friends wouldn't be mean about it, in fact they'd be very supportive, and that's part of what scares me. I hate it when people take pity on me, it makes me feel worthless, but the fact is my situation with girls is extremely pitiful.

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If you walk up to 100 girls and ask them if they wanna go out with you this weekend, most will say no. But at least one will say yes.

Then you bust out the Roofies and get to work.

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Well, I'll give you one extra suggestion, then: Try to make yourself embarrassed every day. Go somewhere downtown at lunch or at night (whenever there's a lot of chicks) and talk to a couple of girls every day. Go into it absolutely cold, with something gay like, "Hey — I really like your shoes / sweater / whatever," if you can't think of anything better. Then wing it. Just see how long you can keep the conversation going before it falters — see if you can get the chick talking about herself.

You know what will happen?

You will embarrass the shit out of yourself. Some of the girls will be busy and will look irritated. Some will look at you like you're a creep. Some of the time you'll suddenly run out of things to say and just stand there with a dumb look on your face, possibly stammering. It will be awful, except that. . .

. . .you are only getting embarrassed! Nothing is physically happening to you! There are no consequences! Who the fuck gives a fuck, anyway?!

Do this every day for a week or so and your ability to talk to girls will increase steeply. Nothing will ever make you lose your sense of embarrassment entirely, but you won't care nearly as much about being embarrassed (does that make sense?). Imagine if before you fapped, you had to poke yourself with a needle. You'd never get around to not feeling the pain of the needle — it's still something to be avoided when possible — but you wouldn't care that much about it.

Anyway, I get laid a lot (I'm actually spending the night tonight with a random I met a few days ago) and several of my friends are always asking me how I am able to make a girl like me with such surety. The answer is: I cannot! I am not appreciably better at it with respect to any particular girl — I just play the odds. I am more willing to be embarrassed, and I'm so experienced at being rejected that I can make it seem like nothing, even though inside, it still embarrasses the fuck out of me.

Overall, though, it is worth it. I do get embarrassed all the time, but I have plenty of different, new girls to lay, and (grudging) admiration from my friends. Overall, that's worth getting embarrassed, IMO.

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@68,339

Haha, that was a pretty succinct version of my answer. You beat me to it.

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Dude, I completely understand. I've been through the very similar situations until last week. I saw this gorgeous girl at Books-a-million, and even though I never really approach girls, I thought to myself, "Whether I talk to her or not, either way I may never see her again… what do I have to lose?". So I walked over to her and sat down next to her. I was so freaking nervous I dang near forgot who I was lol. But to make a long story short she found me interesting despite my huge nervousness and gave me her email address and we later wrote to each other.

Remember, the only thing keeping you back in life is yourself. It doesn't matter how confident or worrisome you may be, cause you'll never know how things could be if you never choose to act on opportunity.

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Alpha male here. I'm going to give it to you real straight. Rarely does anybody actually take my advice, please be the exception to the rule.

Unless you are socially inept, getting a girl is as simple as having the balls to ask for a date and the balls to later cop a feel and follow through on having sex. Blacks and Mexicans are stupid as all hell and they manage to get laid constantly, so obviously it's not that hard.

My advice is obviously "just say it," or "just do it," but what I want to emphasize is that you should say these things directly and give yourself no excuse to chicken out. Instead of saying "uh, like, tiffany, uh, maybe you want to, uh, hang out sometime?" say, "Hey Tiffany, do you have a boyfriend?" and next time you see her ask her, "Do you want to go on a date over the weekend?" Most women are whores and most men take after niggers, dating is so impersonal, non-sacred and cheap these days that you would have to stoop pretty low to be overly impersonal or direct. If she doesn't have a boyfriend and you just ask her without beating around the god-damned bush all day, you should be fine. Repeat: DO NOT BE INDIRECT. AT ALL. EVER. BE EXTREMELY BLUNT IN YOUR DEALINGS WITH WOMEN.

If you go out with them for a while and you are actually getting along, which in my book is critical unless you're simply trying to get laid, then after you feel you two are sufficiently close and dating, just suck it up, have the balls and kiss her. After you've kissed her and it gets habitual, it will quickly lead to making out. Once you're making out with her, simply feel her up. It's not hard. Put your hand on your ass. Put your hand on her legs. Put your hands on her breasts. Once THAT barrier is broken, begin removing items of clothing. It's not hard to see how that can lead to sex quickly.

The important part is that you fucking do it, you god-damned scum sucking pussy.

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Yea, I understand what your saying I kind of consider myself an alpha male in the sense of dominance but are females I just choke up and shy away really bad. They turn me into a pussy and i'm 6'3. It's so odd. I hope one day I will be able to find a chick who pulls me out of my shell. Women have a strange power over me. I'm only 16 so I can't really say what my life will be like. I've had GFs but never really worked out because I would rather just stay home and not do anything and stay safe from humiliation. I don't have the answers but I know what I have to do and you need to do which is just go for it.

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Who cares about HOW you do it. Just do it. Don't worry about what you're going to say. So what if you sound stupid. Who cares what they think. If you see a girl you like, just go over to her right away and open your mouth. Practice makes perfect.

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