sup AT

My girlfriend isn't able to decide a lot of things. Like when we're in a restaurant and deciding what to eat, she can't. She's going for A first, then.. "oh, B looks better". Or C. Whatever. Then it's "well then I won't eat anything". It's annoying (and sometimes cute) as fuck and she knows it (the first, the seconds is just my opinion). I can't really tell her what to eat, so that doesn't work. It does work when choosing the restaurant or the movie etc., but even that gets annoying after some time.
Any Ideas how to help her (me)?

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Next time you're at the restaurant:

"I'll have the shrimp scampi, and the little lady here will have the cordon bleu. And bring us a couple of glasses of Chablis; thank you."

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Ask her if she would prefer anal or vaginal, if she can't decide, ram it into her ass hole and cause internal bleeding. She'll get the message.

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@68,944

That's the thing I wouldn't want to do. I could advice her something (I do regularly), but I won't force anything on her.

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@68,947

Man who cares, I couldn't put up with going into a restaurant and your GF not being able to make her mind up. Unless you're dating a five year old?

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@68,950

> Man who cares, I couldn't put up with going into a restaurant and your GF not being able to make her mind up. Unless you're dating a five year old?

I think it's more because of the fact that she like never went to any restaurant before. She's 22, her family never went to restaurants and her friends are too poor. Basically I'm the first one to accompany her to the enormous world of food.

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@68,947

My original remark was tongue-in-cheek, but sometimes you have to encourage people to be assertive. So long as you do it in a jesting manner designed to tease her (instead of pleasuring your own ego), then I think it's perfectly appropriate to point out to her in this way that if she doesn't make decisions, other actors in life will make them for her.

Really, if you play it off right, this kind of blatant chauvinism will appear cute and almost chivalrous, while clearly making your point. Of course, you want it to be clear that you are joking her — but that in order to stop it, all she needs to do is make her own decision!

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@68,953

Are you serious? Where in the hell did she grow up — Uzbekistan or something? I see poor rednecks out eating wherever I go — from Red Lobster to expensive boutique restaurants. "Gimme one-uh them thar foie gras burgers from them grills over yonder."

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She makes up her mind or gets the hose. That's it.

She needs to grow up. She made the decision to date, she can make the decision of chicken or beef.

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@68,958

Russia, actually.

(Germany here, by the way)

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@68,957

Alright, if you look at it that way, it makes sense. Might try it sometimes, thanks.

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@68,961

Haha, oh my gosh, I called it. I once dated a Russian chick (Uzbekistani, actually), and she was exactly that way.

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@68,974

How or did you change her?

It's not that she's stupid or something and the newness of all that restaurant stuff will eventually end, but I'm afraid she won't be able to decide even then because she doesn't learn it, if you know what I mean. I don't want to play parent and educate her.

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@68,978

> How or did you change her?

I did not; I tend to only date girls for a few weeks. I did make a dramatic show of ordering for her, once (after waiting ten minutes while she refused to make up her mind), and although she was furiously embarrassed, she laughed about it a lot.

> It's not that she's stupid or something and the newness of all that restaurant stuff will eventually end, but I'm afraid she won't be able to decide even then because she doesn't learn it, if you know what I mean. I don't want to play parent and educate her.

Well, if she really hasn't been to restaurants before, she might honestly be intimidated, or afraid that she will look stupid / unsophisticated by ordering. If that's the case, you ought to just help her to decide — explain to her what the conventions are (what type of wine goes with what type of meat), but also that the conventions really don't matter much, and that the point of the restaurant is that you, the guest, should feel relaxed. Since you apparently like going to restaurants, take her to a different restaurant each time and require her to get a different type of meal + wine combo at each meal. This way, she will quickly gain experience as to what different types of meals are like, and her confidence will increase with her experience.

On the other hand, she might just be wishy-washy. The Uzbekistani girl really was just indecisive as a person — despite being a smart, modern, pretty young graduate student studying abroad, she was very socially conservative in many ways and seemed to expect to take a submissive role as a woman, especially on any kind of formal date. That can be frustrating — you'll just have to invest time to bring her out of it (I wasn't willing to do this).

It sounds like you really are somewhat frustrated with your girlfriend already, and that this indecisiveness could be a deal-breaker. If I were you, I'd be inclined to take the chauvinistic approach — tell her that if she doesn't decide by the time the waiter returns, then you will place the order. And follow through on your threat! When the waiter comes back, just smile broadly and say, "The cute kleine geil can't make up her mind again — isn't she adorable? I believe that she'll have ______." The point is to make it funny, but embarrassing. (Of course, if this girl is also not very "liberated", then this technique could backfire.)

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Thanks.
It isn't just with ordering in restaurants but with a lot of other things, too. The ordering is just the most present of them. Others include "What movie?", "What to do tonight?", "What should I wear?" (I guess a lot of girls have that). I want her to think about it herself (she does, but she just doesn't come to an end) and not relying on me to decide everything.
Also, if I say something like "well than take *some food*" or "we could watch *some movie*" she considers it but doesn't take it as a final solution. Offering advice only gives her more options to chose from.
I don't want her to change completely and have final solutions all the time cause I think it's rather cute if she's not sure about some things.

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When your girlfriend goes "Oh, I can't decide what to get, I'll just have nothing" reply with "Yeah, that's probably a wise choice, you're starting to get jowls and I don't think you can blame looking fat on those pants."

If nothing else, the results will get a laugh, and it might piss her off enough to grow a backbone and make a choice for herself.

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