I know you are probably tired of threads like these, but you see I really need help. You see I have a problem with my self-confidence for a very long time. The funny thing is teachers/professors say that I am outgoing.. The truth is I am not outgoing, being with a group scares me. I just use humor to hide the fact that this situation is awkward. Even in High School I've had this problem, I thought joining the school band would help me over come my fears, and self-consciousness. For the first year everyone in the drum line seemed to dig me, they told me I was cool and whatnot and we made jokes about the other members in the band. I've always wondered why no one asked me to hang out with them. Maybe they were just waiting for me to ask? Then the rest of my years in band everyone stop talking to me, and people looked towards me as the weird guy. Which made me go into a heap of depression. My self confidence problem effects me in many ways…

for instance, I play the drums and I don't like when people watch me play, because I think I suck badly. When people force me to play I get nervous and after I am done they comfort me by saying "Oh your great!"

when I go to a store, I feel uncomfortable when ask for help.
When i try to help someone, I feel uncomfortable because I think I am no good to help them.

This is one of the reasons I am afraid to find a job because I have convinced myself I have no skills or I will fail miserably.

Thanks for listening.

Any tips on how I can overcome my failure?

• Spread
• Media
• Quote
• 171 visits

Listen up, because this is the best advice you'll ever get:
EVERYONE feels like that. it's a defense mechanism, to feel intimidated, and uncomfortable with other persons. However, not everyone reacts to it on the same way. You do what i did: You worry too much. About what people think, about what you do, you over-analyse everything and always assume the worse when people are looking at you. Well, don't. What's the worse that could happen? You see, the fear of failing and ridicule is normal, as long as you don't make your priority to avoid it. Your priority should be to enjoy yourself, and have fun, not making an ass off yourself, if possible. If not, well, just another fun story for you and your friends. I know this sounds like a load of crap coming from a random guy on the Internet, but I can relate to what you said. And so I know what i say is the solution. Trust me, trust yourself, and stop caring. You'll be happier in no time. Do not fear failure, embrace it as a possibility and not a risk, as a small probability and not a probable thing. The moment you let your fears rule your life you become instantly miserable. And yes, I do know what I'm saying, more than you could imagine.

PS: Using humour to lighten the mood is always a good thing, just don't overdo it, or you'll go from ironic to unpleasant pretty quick. Just be normal once in a while.

• Quote
• Cite

Try the deep end method

Do something drastic, then your daily routines will seem like nothing.

It worked for me

• Quote
• Cite

The only way i can do that is if i smoke weed everyday. So should i start smoking everyday?

• Quote
• Cite

yes, and also, spending less time on anontalk would help. We're all enablers.

• Quote
• Cite

OP, I did exactly the same thing as you.

I was in band in 9th grade, although I joined for a different reason. I was (and still am) considered very funny, but I was never invited to hang out with anybody. I think there are several reasons for this.

1. Everybody assumes you already have a circle of friends.
2. They are too shy/afraid you will say no to ask you to come hang out.
3. They figure that if you wanted to hang out with them, you would speak up.

I overcame this problem by hanging out with a few individuals I got along with (and their circle of friends) during lunches, and once I found a group I really enjoyed hanging out with, I let myself be assimilated.

• Quote
• Cite

Wow.. I never thought of it that way.

• Quote
• Cite