Hello everyone,

I have a problem. My parents live in a townhouse and the unit next to them (the end unit) is being rented out to deadbeat retards who are making my parents (they own their place) lives hell. I'm talking phone calls asking for someone who doesn't live there again and again at all hours of the day, banging on the walls and yelling for 2 minutes at strategic times (5am, 3am, 9pm etc), playing music so loud that the pictures literally fall off the wall.

My parents called the police once but them the tenants came over and threatened them so they feel like they're stuck…this guy looks rough and told my parents that he "has a rap sheet this long". Obviously a retarded loser.

The phone calls are blocked and can only be traced by the phone company…not sure if I could get their phone # or not.

I'm looking to the collective mischievous wisdom of all anons to make this stop while creating as much suffering for these ppl as possible.

Thanks

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call the police

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Ahem, the tenants threatened them so they stopped calling the police? That's what the police are there for, especially if they are threatening your family. If you're really that worried, buy a gun, call the police and wait on your property. If this tenant comes over, you are well within your rights to shoot someone on your property if you feel your life is threatened. Plus if he has a long rap sheet you could probably get away with shooting him anyways. Who'd a jury gunna side with, your nice family or some criminal?

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You must become Tim Robbins in Arlington Road. You must transform into a completely cold, calculating, self-assured, well-educated, brilliant Caucasian schemer who can engineer anything out of a paper clip, a pocket protector and a rubber band. Once you transform into the strange, bringing big trash bags outside in the middle of the night and putting them into the trunk of your car and driving off for an hour, you will have these guys right where you want them.

And, if you're not theatrical and want to turn it into an awesome game, just buy a fucking bull mastiff and next time he starts pounding at the walls, bring your dog over to his place and tell him to shut the fuck up.

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You could just be a general douchebag and do stuff to piss them off. Personally, I am a fan of putting syrup (or anything else that looks clear and takes at least a day to dry) on doorknobs. If it is a latch or something they have to put their fingers under, put syrup in there too.

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if possible, plant dead animals under their homes as close to possible to their bedrooms. they get pretty stinky

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Why not just get a whole bunch of your friends, go over there and tell him to shut the fuck up? Even if he has more friends, he may at least have to think if it's worth the hassle to keep giving you shit.

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Tell them to call the police and inform of their threats, NOW.

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My personal favorite? First you set up a closed circuit camera around your car(s) then key their car. Unless they have a garage theres no way for them to stop you from doing it. They will try to retaliate by keying your car (that's what the closed cicuit is for) give the tape to the police. After that get a restraining order. They can't live next to you if they're barred from being within 200ft of you. This is the time they move out. You could also provoke a nice loud (and largely verbal) fight (that other people can hear but not see) at the crescendo of the fight (assuming he hasn't hit you and no one is looking) out of the clear blue sky say 'What the fuck? You've done it now buddy!' While yon neanderthal is scratching his head wondering why the hell you said that, retreat back to your house, then find a safe way to give yourself a bruise on the chest (punch yourself maybe). then call the cops. Lie your ass off (don't feel bad about it the law has abandoned you there is no real reason for you to be loyal to it) say that the asshole hammer punched you in the chest (this is where you show the bruise). You will also have lots of people as earwitnesses who will testiy that you were yelling at each other. between the bruise and the fight everyone heard was going on that's more than enough for cops to let you press charges, not to mention give you the ultra satisfying visual of seeing him helped into the patrol car, hands cuffed behind his back. This is the point where his long impressive rap sheet will work against him. Again like in the first scenario immediately ask for a restraining order against him that keeps him several hundred feet away. BTW this 'fake fight' scenario is how one of my roommates got rid of the other about a year ago so I know it works.

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@69,611

> Lie your ass off (don't feel bad about it the law has abandoned you there is no real reason for you to be loyal to it)

I love this bit
Great advice in general

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@69,611

Wall of text… Must not look… My eyes will bleed…

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Pour drain-o into a film cap bottle, cap it, and throw it into their car gas tank. No one will ever know it is you, enjoy the flames.

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I like the drain-o idea…but the only problem is that their car port is attached to my parent's car port, which is attached to their house. I don't want to burn down my parent's house.

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